And, fathers, so not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
There are two means that God intends for parents to employ in bringing up there children: the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Discipline is a more general term which means child training including teaching, discipline, example, rewards and punishment. The durable principle of discipline is expressed in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Discipline denotes hands-on, parental action, both corrective and constructive, to train, to form, to change attitude and behavior, to restore relationship.
When should discipline be applied? Apply it in response to a child’s willful refusal or disregard for a clear and reasonable command of the parent.
What should be applied in disciplining? In some cases verbal reproof is required, in others the rod. Parents need grace and wisdom to decide.
What issue does discipline address? By discipline the child’s will is trained to submit to the authority of the parents whom God has placed over them. The aim is not to harm, but to nurture and to train them to ultimately be an adult who heartily submits to God and other God-constituted authorities.
How is discipline to be administered? First, discipline requires the parent to be convinced from the Scriptures that discipline is a God-appointed means to nurture the child, keeping them from death (Proverbs 23:13), removing innate folly of the heart (Proverbs 22:15) and giving wisdom (Proverbs 29:15). Second, the parent must do it in love, as does the Heavenly Father (Hebrews 12). To spare the rod is to hate—not love—the child (Proverbs 13:24). In love, the parent speaks with control before and seeks to restore after applying correction. Though parents may be grieved by the transgression of the child, they must actively depend upon the Spirit to provide self-control as they seek to discipline in love. Uncontrolled anger has no place in discipline. Third, it ought to be applied with a sting, a sting that sticks in the memory, a sting that exceeds the gain sought by the sin, a sting to correct, not to injure. “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful (Hebrews 12:11)”. Fourth, it ought to be administered reasonably and proportionately, considering the offense and the offender. Fifth, it ought to be done consistently and persistently. It is easy to get weary, make excuses and give up; “but he who loves him disciplines him diligently (Proverbs 13:24).”
