Marriage Helps #18
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (Ephesians 5:25, 26).
Husbands ought to love their wives with a sanctifying purpose, just as Christ also loved the church. Christ gave Himself to sanctify and cleanse His bride—to set her apart for Himself. He died to deliver Her from her sins and the world, “by a washing . . . with the word.” He did this that He might present her to Himself perfect in holiness. He laid down His life to make her His with the intention of making her beautiful, pure and perfect, of making her a bride with spotless, sinless beauty. His love is not satisfied, until His bride is glorified, until she is marked by stainless and changeless purity within and without.
There are certainly aspects of Christ’s sanctifying love for his bride that are entirely unique and have no analogy at all with the sanctifying aims of a Christian husband’s love for his wife. Nevertheless, a simple general application can be made. Our love ought to have the sanctifying aim to help and guide and promote our wives’ growth in grace—to make them more like Christ, more beautiful in holiness, washing her with the Word of the gospel, helping her put on the Lord Jesus Christ in all the beauty of His holiness and righteousness and goodness. Do you care for her soul, actively attending to her soul’s great needs? Are you personally seeing to it that she is spiritually progressing, growing and thriving? Are you a real help or a hindrance to her as she seeks to please Christ and glorify God in all she does? Certainly husbands are not the only sanctifying influence in their lives, but they should be the most constant and consistent. Can she look to you and depend upon you to encourage her unlike any other on the way to glory? Are you watching over the influences that can defile or distract her? Are you watchful that you are not a stumbling block to her? Is your wife more like Christ, because she married you?
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church (Ephesians 5:28, 29).
Husbands ought to love their wives with a self-caring love, just as Christ does the church. Paul does not say to love them as you love yourselves, but to love them as ourselves—as being one with us. You cannot rightly think of yourself apart from her. That means that all your plans, decisions, desires and actions involve her and are considered with her in mind. What we do for them is in our best self-interest. It is done by nourishing her and cherishing her, by imparting to her your strength and making her secure. “No one ever hated his own flesh.” Never abuse, despise or be embittered against her. Beware of neglecting her by your employments and enjoyments.
