Marriage Helps #19
You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life . . . (I Peter 3:7)
Husbands ought to love their wives with a studying, sensitive love—living with her in an “understanding way.” Interested involvement with their wives is what loving husbands need. Loving her requires him to be a life-long student, to love her by striving to keep learning about her, to be devoted to diligent study in order to understand her desires, goals, frustrations and fears, her strengths and weaknesses physically, emotionally and spiritually, her dreams, her disappointments, her burdens, her struggles and her needs. Pastor noted such a “striving to understand her” in his son-in-law Andrew, who once reflected, “I grew up in a house of boys. I don’t understand her at times, but I want to spend my life learning to.” Loving husbands are learners about their wives.
Husbands ought to love their wives—living with her in an understanding way–by understanding what she is by nature: a “weaker vessel.” “Since she is a woman” explains the weakness the vessel and the reality that husbands must “handle her with care.” The weakness pertains to what she is physically, not mentally or morally. It may pertain to her position of submission. The husband must apply a loving and considerate care for his wife, never bullying, exploiting, roughly handling or over-burdening her. If you are “slow in your studies,” then use the memory hook of the 5 A’s: Acknowledgement, Affirmation, Appreciation, Approachability, Affection and Attention. Understand that you must take time to talk, to listen, to be interested, to pay attention to her.
Husbands ought to love their wives—living with her in an understanding way—with an esteeming love that appreciates what she is by grace, granting her honor as “a fellow heir of the grace of life.” Grant her “honor,” recognizing her heavenly and high calling. Her earthly worth is “far above jewels” (Proverbs 31:10). She is priceless. The one that God has given to you is not only a treasure to you, but precious to Him, chosen and purchased by the blood of the Son of God. Esteem and prize her. She is an heir of glory. Give her her heavenly due here and now. The world refuses to recognize her high status, so be sure you do. How you treat her reflects what you think about your own heavenly privilege and prospects. How can you speak in a condescending fashion or treat as inferior one who has been purchased by the same precious blood, who partakes of the same rich promises, who is indwelt by the same Spirit, who is loved by Christ as you are? Instead, prize her, praise her, pursue her, promoter her, purify her, pray for her, pray with her.
