And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
By reflecting upon how the Heavenly Father deals with us, parents–and fathers primarily—can design constructive directives to nurture the relationship with their children, rather than ruin it by provoking them to anger.
Jealously cultivate close intimacy with your children. God is intimately acquainted with all our ways (Psalm 139:3). Be like Him, the Great Communicator of love, never wearying to say, “I love you”, stooping low and going to great lengths to demonstrate it.
Show compassion by realistically considering their infirmities. “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him. He knows our frame. He is mindful that we are but dust (Psalm 103:14).” Seek to discern between the infirmities of creature-hood versus those of sinner-hood, the difference between milk spilled due to clumsiness versus milk spilled due to foolish horseplay.
Practically facilitate their obedience. “His commands are not burdensome (I John 5:3).” Keep your commands reasonable, simple and clearly understandable. In one home the basics were these: you must always tell the truth, you must obey immediately, you must always respect your mother.
Humbly and consistently model integrity. Your pattern should clearly show that you practice what you preach. “As obedient children . . . like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves in all your behavior . . . And if you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each man’s work, conduct yourselves in fear (I Peter 1:13-21)”.
Readily acknowledge their faithfulness. “God is not so unjust as to forget your work . . . (Hebrews 6:9-10).” He who commands obedience takes pleasure in it. Let them hear, “Well done, good and faithful child.” Like oil, regular acknowledgement of their obedience ought to be liberally applied for the long haul. As Paul used his apostolic authority “for the building up and not for tearing down (II Corinthians 13:10)”, so too fathers should use theirs. He is no good father who can only crack the whip but never a smile. There will be times when you must bark your rebukes, but be sure they know the sound of your voice of appreciation as well.
