And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4).
Paul warns parents, and fathers primarily, against provoking their children to anger, against exasperating them that they not lose heart (Colossians 3:21). By applying some sanctified common sense, it is not difficult to identify a number of destructive provocations to avoid, so as not to ruin our relationship with our child.
Beware of habitual harshness and severity, of being an irritable, hypercritical, faultfinding father, who only gives advice and reproof, but never encourages. Do not be one who rations commendation like water in the desert, while letting criticism flow like a flood, a vulture on the parental perch looking for the carcasses of his children’s sins. Beware of applying discipline while frustrated and lacking control. “It is not the sting of a spanking that provokes, but the unfairness (Palmer).”
Beware of unreasonable and unrealistic expectations, of applying constant pressure for the child to make the parent “look good”, of using children as “little trophies” to reflect well on the parents. Do not fail to recognize that they are still children. Do not teach them to glorify their parents rather than God.
Beware of hypocrisy. Jesus warned in Matthew 23:3, “do not do according to their deeds; for they say things, and do not do them.” Do not constantly point out their sins, while never acknowledging your own. Do not be a father careful to keep a good appearance in public but careless at home, showing no heart.
Beware of neglect and indifference, which may appear in many forms. Parents may neglect their children by their inconsistency, failing to set or enforce boundaries, taking a “hands off approach”. Neglect may show in a parent’s detachment, a lack of interest and involvement in their children’s lives, their feelings, questions, fears, doubts, plans, joys and need for someone to be interested. Neglect may take the form of emotional inaccessibility, where the parent withholds physical and verbal affection, leaving the child with the perception that he is more of a nuisance than a gift of God.
Beware of partiality and favoritism, of making disparaging comparisons, of giving differing punishments and distinctive treatment. Appreciate their differences.
Beware of excessive rules and over protection. Home ought not to be a minefield of rules ready to be violated, where every activity is legislated. God gave very few rules in the garden and only 10 words for the basic legislation of Israel. As the children grow older, the parents ought to become less strict in their oversight to allow them to develop judgment and self-control.
